When we drive, we use the rearview mirror to develop a more comprehensive picture of what exists around us, completing the side-to-side and forward view. Likewise, hindsight is a device that helps to inform our vision of how we want our lives to move forward. And as we arrive at the end of a very turbulent year, reflection is an essential practice - not just a beneficial one.
On the other hand, self-reflection can become immobilization if we do not make room to set down the collective baggage of blame, recrimination, and regretfulness. Instead of viewing ourselves through the lens of grace, we become afraid of our own reflection - thinking that we may not like what we see. From not being able to acknowledge our own beauty and abundance to ignoring introspection altogether, we end up instead shouldering the old directly onto the new and then wonder why nothing seems to change.
Our work is to do it differently.
Consider that this year has been one upheaval after another, and to stay grounded we have called upon a multitude of self-care practices. But how well do our self-care practices really work if they do not encourage us to be better humans to those around us? The ’self’ of self-care becomes, in many ways, care for our communities. And this is true of our reflective work as well, if we can set aside the pity and take up a mantle of compassion and humility… it’s not all about the things we did wrong or didn’t do at all. It’s about addressing these things as we move forward.
Here are some tools that will help us help ourselves, and in turn, those we cherish:
Invite Ayurvedic practices into your daily regimen: There are many Ayurvedic practices that can fit nearly seamlessly into our already established self-care routines. I’ve chosen to include some of the simpler rituals here. You may choose to introduce tongue scraping or oil-pulling with your daily brush; or rise and drink a glass of lukewarm water with freshly squeezed lemon.
Before laying down for sleep, you may find that a gentle foot massage works wonders on a stressed nervous system. The feet are a source of several reflexology points, and as a practice reflexology has been demonstrated to reduce stress and anxiety which we well know can improve the quality of our sleep.
Beginning with warm oil, massage in gentle circles around the joints and long strokes along the bones and the soles of the feet. Don’t forget to include the heel and your toes!
Invest in your social network: I’m not talking about your social media. Nurturing our most important relationships teaches us the importance of giving as well as receiving. Read this short article to understand further the importance of our social fabrics and ways in which you may choose to join a new network - even at a distance.
Invest in yourself: “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.” ~ Brene Brown
In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brene Brown guides us to distinguish the difference between perfectionism and being our own best self by reminding us that “Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield.” Instead, we are reminded to do our work from a place of love and worthiness. Every experience is sacred, and the journey is more important than the destination.
Offer freely: We each know the joy of giving, and to impart gifts freely is to experience this joy without the weight of expectation. These gifts are not necessarily material. The offerings of a kind action, your time to listen fully, or a genuine compliment impart true compassion. As Maya Angelou wrote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And when you are on the receiving end of any of these deeds, accept them with grace knowing that this too is a practice.
If I were to write a love letter to you all, I would remind you that
You are peace and you are presence.
You are human and imperfect.
You can be right and you can also be wrong and you may be both at the same time.
You embody grace and you exhibit strength.
You are teachers of faith and devotees of wisdom.
You are in a relationship always to self that takes work and dedication.
You have light and you have dark and you will never be completely free of either one.
You are a reflection of those around you.
You are loved.
Persevering through the dark, may we greet this new year with our brightest selves.
Happy New Year everyone.